It's funny. I think, certainly so far as relationships go, I'm not going to try to be better anymore.

In fact, I'm going to try to be worse. By "worse," I mean I am not going to try to be awesome. I am awesome, I don't have to try. Also I shouldn't be putting in a lot more than I'm getting back (I love cooking, but if I am making you your fave dishes, you should be doing something special that reflects a unique understanding of me and my likes in return). I'm going to try being something whole, something awkward and lame and awesome. I don't have to look at people to be liked. I can be uncomfortable around people. Blah blah blah.

I feel like I need an indulgence people where I don't have to think about all the things that are not-conducive to my interactions with other people.

Ironically, I feel all of this is in the name of self-improvement. I feel like once I indulge and become that much more secure in who/what I am, knowing that as am I am great as is, I will be able to become something better.

The key to this? Dating two or more guys (and/or girls) at the same time with lots and lots of making out.