raise your weary wings against the rain

Last night in an IM conversation I made the casual remark to a friend of mine that I like to possess pictures of the people I know and/or care about "to look at, and contemplate." Her response? "That's kind of creepy."

I'm having a very weird day. But at least its Friday.

The thing is, I never expected to get happy in Boston. I had the support of sleetfall, and I expected that would be enough to get by. And if I met some people through him, that was great. And if they became casual acquaintances, if I got some gaming together? Even better.

But time passes. A mind wanders. It seems mindless, but it does. And before I knew it those casual acquaintances had turned into friends. And thablueguy had passed through town, and in the process introduced me to new casual acquaintances. Some of whom seem ferociously determined to adopt me (thank you thank you THANK YOU!) And without quite meaning to a collection of familiar faces and enjoyable endeavors started to resemble a life. I tend to think of a life as something I build for myself, and it is, but I forget that my very nature tends to cause social building blocks to fall into place around one another. I like people too much, it just sort of happens.

And then one day, seemingly out of the blue, I realized that I was going to be sad to go, when I did. That even though I still looked forward to returning to Chicago, even though that still felt like going home, that I was going to regret the things I left behind in this loathsome little town. And I was not, not, oh so very not ready for that. It left me confused to say the least. So if I seem conflicted lately, its more than just the turning of the seasons.

Oh, and, in seemingly unrelated news (although news in a thematically similar vein)... as ever, nothing gold can stay. Sigh.