that was back then, man I'm growing

This next one's going to be a little... scattered.

So the volume of my blogging has, obviously, dropped precipitously. That's due in no small part to recent events (warning: rare friends-locked post, which must remain as such, to my dismay.) However its also due to happier things, like the fact that its been a busy few days.

For example: I was unable to provide the promised "more later" that night because I ended up driving out to Portsmouth, NH to visit with human_typhoon. That was good for any number of reasons.

I came away from it with new music, for one thing. And as it turns out, I wouldn't have ended up seeing her at Prophet's Fall this weekend because she didn't go. Her reasons for not going were good, though. Congratulations are in order for the results.

Prophet's Fall was good, although more stressful than usual for everyone involved. There's stuff going on there that I don't much feel like thinking about, much less writing about. If you're really interested feel free to ask, but I'm not going to bother wasting LJ words on it.

Prior to going off to game I was turning over something in my mind fairly extensively. It started with something sleetfall said that took me by surprise. He told me, in essence, that I've continued to seem unhappy in Boston, even through these past couple of months.

At first I shrugged it off, assuming Jon didn't actually know what he was talking about. He's been sick and simply hasn't seen as much of me lately. But I value his opinion more than that, and after confronting the reality I think there's some truth to his words.

I've been significantly less unhappy than I was, that much is clear. But I'm not sure I've been precisely happy. Which is understandable, I suppose; I'm so sick of this in-between life I can't even express it.

I've got to make my own happiness, that much is clear. Sometimes I feel like my job is grinding down my soul, sapping my energy. But that's true of nearly everyone during their first year of real work after college.

My job isn't what defines me. That's all I've got to keep me going. I enjoy my hobbies and my friends. I'm happier when I haul my ass out of my apartment, when I've got the energy and the strength. So I decide whether or not to make the effort to get happy, its as simple as that.