and in every city, the longing for an even greater city, and that is still so

Last night after pax_malificus' Mage game (which I have missed, desperately, and which I am ecstatic to be a part of again however briefly) I gave rides home to spreadnparanoia and Zoe. And as Zoe was getting out of the car she pleaded with me briefly to stay at least through this Saturday's Dead City game. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And I'm thinking about doing it, too. Its just another couple of days, right?

I haven't made any progress in the job search. But being here has brought me a certain clarity. It has confirmed my feeling that this is where I want to be. But its also made me realize that its not enough just to be here; I have to make a place for myself here, build myself a life, or I won't be happy. So the Plan, insofar as it exists (that is to say, mostly in my head) is to go home and become a substitute teacher in CT for the Spring. Salome assures me that its easy to do, and she might even be right. Simultaneously I will apply to programs out here for Teaching Certification. I could start summer term if I really rushed it. This will involve taking out loans, but everyone's got those, right? I'm looking mostly at DePaul, where it looks like I can complete the coursework for Illnois Secondary Certification in about a year.

Everytime I think about putting these plans into action I get queasy. Because it means taking responsibility for my life and my future, which still scares me fundamentally. But what else can I do?

this thing is so half-assed

( That one meme, if anyone wants to do it. )