"a man is just a boy who's grown enough to ask that question"

[enthusiastick]

I don't want to go back to Connecticut. But I'm going.

I almost wrote "I don't want to go home" but its not, precisely, home anymore. You really can go home again, its just not precisely the same place it was. Anyway.

In the last couple of weeks my plans have changed dramatically. It looks like I won't be renting a moving truck or for that matter even a panel van. These scenarios, some of which were even feasible, were veto'd by my parents who are worried about my driving halfway across the country alone. And here I was sort of looking forward to the opportunity to get some quiet thinking done.

Instead I think I'm going to rent a storage space, put some of my stuff there... furniture, mostly. Note to self: I should really talk to Josh R about moving out soon, and whether he might want to get in on some storage action. Then I will ship some boxes home and bring everything else with me on a jet plane. So once more I will be making the 1hr 45min flight between O'Hare and Bradley. It almost doesn't feel like travelling anymore.

This is all happening so fast. There are only 9 days left in August, and I have to be gone before those days are up. I'm not packed. I'm not prepared. I don't want to be going. I really thought I was going to find a job out here, and I'm bummed that I haven't. And while I was out in Massachusetts I got wishy-washy, mostly swept up in Jon's joy with regards to his own new job. I got myself convinced that I didn't know where I wanted to be.

Then I came back here. I talked to spreadnparanoia and I talked to pax_malificus. And I know where I want to be, and its right here, in the Chi-town area. I would just miss everything so much if I never came back. I have to turn around and move back out here again. Moving back out here means having a place out here. Having a place out here means having a job. This isn't turning out to be an easy task. But I know where I want to be.

I don't want to go back to Connecticut. I'm going... but if I have any control in the matter at all, I'm coming back.

Comments

[pooka-madness.livejournal.com]

Dude. That could be worth a bunch. Could you perhaps e-mail me some details?