move along unless you care to hear me be emo

[enthusiastick]

The guy from Websnark is bringing me down. The point of his article as applied to my life is this: I shouldn't be trying so desperately to get back to Chicago, because it will never be the same and you can never go home again. Jon S has been saying much the same thing to me for a while now, although his point ultimately is that I have to broaden my area of search because its more important that I get a real job now and begin to set my life in order. The longer I go according to him (and most reasonable people) the harder that will be.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not giving up yet... I'm just starting to acknowledge that maybe I ought to. That if I were smarter or more self-assured I wouldn't be living in my parents' house. Being here is weakness, I freely admit that. But I couldn't handle another year of loneliness like my first nine months out in Evanston. I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I'm not sure I have it in me to start over like that anymore. The thing of it is that I can conceive of being more unhappy than I am now and that thought scares me to death, because as it stands I'm barely holding on.