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enthusiastickThe guy from Websnark is bringing me down. The point of his article as applied to my life is this: I shouldn't be trying so desperately to get back to Chicago, because it will never be the same and you can never go home again. Jon S has been saying much the same thing to me for a while now, although his point ultimately is that I have to broaden my area of search because its more important that I get a real job now and begin to set my life in order. The longer I go according to him (and most reasonable people) the harder that will be.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not giving up yet... I'm just starting to acknowledge that maybe I ought to. That if I were smarter or more self-assured I wouldn't be living in my parents' house. Being here is weakness, I freely admit that. But I couldn't handle another year of loneliness like my first nine months out in Evanston. I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I'm not sure I have it in me to start over like that anymore. The thing of it is that I can conceive of being more unhappy than I am now and that thought scares me to death, because as it stands I'm barely holding on.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not giving up yet... I'm just starting to acknowledge that maybe I ought to. That if I were smarter or more self-assured I wouldn't be living in my parents' house. Being here is weakness, I freely admit that. But I couldn't handle another year of loneliness like my first nine months out in Evanston. I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I'm not sure I have it in me to start over like that anymore. The thing of it is that I can conceive of being more unhappy than I am now and that thought scares me to death, because as it stands I'm barely holding on.
