to being an Us for once, instead of a Them

The poker game last night at sleetfall's was hell of good times. I just really enjoyed the people, so much so that the actual game became somewhat secondary. Also I'm actually pretty happy with how I played (despite rather a great deal of bitter complaining to the contrary) even though, in the end, I lost. We played two games and the second devolved into a heads-up slow train wreck (or "slobber-knocker," to use an excellent new expression I was taught) that I ultimately lost.

Let's talk about movies for a minute. There's just a whole pile of stuff that is out now or coming out this holiday season. The anticipation is staggering. Shopgirl, the Weather Man, Good Night and Good Luck, Jarhead, Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire... and that's just a list of stuff happening right now. If I were to compile a total listing of everything I wanted to see before the end of the year it would reach unwieldy length, and I have no expectation of actually getting to all of it, much as I might want to.

And then there's the Rent movie. And if you're one of those people who hates Rent, now is probably the time to stop reading this particular entry. Because I don't hate it. I don't hate it one bit. I never even got worked up about how overplayed or overblown it became, because for me it never did. A small part of me wants to rail against how trendy hatred of Rent has become, how much the "in" thing it is to sneer or snort derisively at this thing which formed such a major part of my adolescence.

But y'know, screw that noise. If that's what you want to do, and that's how you feel, that's fine. I, by contrast, see the TV spots on television and find myself getting choked up about it. And the voiceover comes up over the trailer and talks about "the musical that defined a generation," and it hardly even occurs to me how cheesy that is, because for me at least its perfectly true. You have to understand, the very idea that they would make a Rent movie totally astounded me. And then not only did it get made, but they got much of the original cast back together. Anthony Rapp and Idina Menzel, on whom I have longtime crushes, singing together on the big silver screen? (Yes, yes, and Adam Pascal too. Everyone loves Adam Pascal, except me, because I like Anthony Rapp more.)

Its a wonder I'm not frothing at the mouth about this, every second of every day. I was 13 years old when Rent came out. It affected my development more than I can say. Rent for me is as much about memories of crazy times at summer camp and long walks alone in the dark as it is about AIDS and existentialism. And then I grew up, and I got over it, because it was 10 years ago. Is it any wonder that the movie makes me giddy to even think about?

Incidentally a friend of mine, I won't say who, has got a similar entry in her blog. Only hers also says, and I'm quoting here:
I was 11. It made me want gay friends; it made me think I would die of an aortic aneurism at any moment; it made me want to be a starving artist; it made me want to wear bubble wrap. What? Ok, maybe not that last one. Now it just makes me want to quit my job--my God. I am a three-piece suit to be ridden by on one's bike midday. I hate myself.
And I won't deny that there's an element of that, too. There's a desire to reconnect with that part of myself that was desperately alive, that thought I would grow up to sing and love and starve and generally lead La Vie Boheme. I like to think I've made my peace with becoming sedate and giving up art and only being a complete and utter weirdo in my off hours, but this movie stirs up quiet rumblings in the background that maybe that's not the case.

Rent is coming at Thanksgiving. The timing could not be more perfect. You're welcome to not be excited about it. But if you piss in my Cheerios, then know that you have sown the wind. 10 years in the making...

will I lose my dignity?

[Poll #608042]